Hearts and Thoughts

wow!it’s been such a long long time since my last entry here…its been more than a year!  how time flies by! and now it’s already the middle of 2008! (why i can’t lose the exclamation remark eludes me! hahah) well, recalling all the eventful happenings since last may 2007… i got hitched *wink wink* hanin had a beautiful wedding ceremonies *aisha,sar & i were crying like babies along with hanin lol* monopoly nights with the couples *it was really fun! but not fair hanin&farshid always win! hehe* couple of my friends got babies *too many of them until i lost count hoho* couple of my friends got engaged … got married.. *too many of them too hahaha* oh, i got a pretty niece *nice job angah! =)* and many happy moments which i thank God that i still live to see those!

there were also some sad moments.. my last living grandmother passed away *God rest her soul*  to see my old kampung house back in pokok assam being left abandoned *i dream of living there if i ever going to be a teacher* my beloved sutera starting to meragam.. *hai,duit terbang melayang huhu* but all in all.. the despair and sadness is still bearable.. *thinking of people who are going through war, terrible natural disasters, had an incurable sickness, well there are a lot more unfortunate people around u huhu"

i’m nearly 26 now. i’m beginning to wonder what have i done and achieve so far? hm, but it doesn’t matter.. it’s always what u choose and what u did in that moments that’ll determine the outcome,aint it? only then u’ll find out how u feel about it and are you satisfied with your way of doing it or with the results itself. life, i realised, is everything. for u to be alive but not living through it, u’ll think its wasteful. and indeed it is!

la..la..la.. yup, i may be alone , i may do not have someone to cuddle to or i may do not know if the one is ever gonna catch me but life is blossoming around me. proving that u can be happy by ur own choices.

the tears may fall, the anger may erupt, the unsatisfaction may surface, the unknown may be discovered.. despite all that, laughter, joy, positiveness and bravery still emerge as the winner changing all things with it..

family.. the eversounding rock that is always there and often overlooked but never fail to catch and support u even when u hit rock bottom. precious friends.. jewels and diamonds which u thought needed a lot of dollars to get which actually u have already acquire without realising it. they are the ones whom never cease to lift u up and touch u with their beautiful souls.

and u, just realising that u matters. looking after urself,treating urself better and respecting urself boost ur soul and helps u to make less the things which u gonna regret later. others may call it fear,barrier or whatsoever.. but only u urself know when u are ready and willing.

being happy is one of the many u choose to be =)

the best word to describe me at the MOMENT! and i am feeling embarassed but a little bit happy..hmm..ok.. happier than i ever felt in days! =) hmm.. wondering what’s the initial reaction upon seeing it? probably used to it.. me.. kinda excited but still have my feet on the ground.. i’m just one of the million or gazillion faces.. it’s not so bad but it’s kinda normal too.. after all.. 

I got this beautiful verses from a really nice and kind friend of mine, Thank You Audrey.. It never cease to lift up my spirits whenever I read this and i would like to share it with all as love is best to be shared rather than to be kept =)

Life’s a bouquet of flowers

sits within my heart

I smell the glorious fragrance

that the love of life imparts.

They must be watered daily,

nourish them with care,

and when you want to see them,

you can always find them there.

Yes, life’s a bouquet of flowers

can brighten any gloom,

they fill the soul with joy,

and fragrance any room.

Oh yes, life’s a bouquet of flowers

I sincerely send to you,

may you behold their loveliness,

in everything you do.

last nite, i watched ugly betty.. it’s an american version of betty yo so la fea.. the director, salma hayek. she’s one actress that is naturally voluptuos and beautiful.. and she can acts. tho she’s not in that many movies but she proves to have skills not only beauty..

back to the show, i think deep inside everybody, they would want to be envied by others and be one of the GLAM crowds. but the sayings "beauty runs deep" will only be true to person who possess inner beauty.. beauty from the outside will only be an added bonus.. but beauty from the inside will always be the winning cup. to just have that perfectly sculpted face and hot sizzling body but have a zero emotional intelligence of human being.. it’s really a waste to be human at all..

i’m not saying that all beautiful people have zero emotional intelligence and that all "the so called ugly" people have high emotional intelligence. it all depends on the individual.. because inner beauty is something that comes from inside of urself, not anything that people force into u. for me, inner beauty will shows through no matter if u’re pretty, handsome, cute, not so ugly, ugly, tall, fat, short, bald or no matter what ur physical appearances are..

i do not know if i have my own inner beauty as only the others who is around us will know. but all we can do is to be honest and have kindness in our ways as kindness goes a long way. try to instill some patience and think before saying. smiles sincerely and laugh heartily and u know life’s just like that.

"You are where you are today because you stand on somebody’s shoulders. And wherever you are heading, you cannot get there by yourself. If you stand on the shoulders of others, you have a reciprocal responsibility to live your life so that others may stand on your shoulders. It’s the quid pro quo of life. We exist temporarily through what we take, but we live forever through what we give"  — Vernon Jordan, in a speech at Howard University, 2002.

I will always be with u, my love

Walking beside u like the sky above

In summer’s sun I’ll give u shade

In autumn’s loneliness I’ll be your shadow

When in doubt, count me in

With u, I’ve found life at last

In a web of joys u cast

Am I discovering all I ever wished for, or am I lost?

I will always be with u, my love

Walking beside u like the sky above

Let the sorrow-laden clouds rain on me

Let the despairing moments come to rest on me

All of your pain gives to me

Find someone to love my heart seemed to say

Where secrets aren’t held and all is given away

But when I open my eyes, will my dream be gone, or stay?

I will always be with u, my love

Walking beside u like the sky above

hello… Happy New Year.. and happily breaking all the new resolutions haha another great year eh (praying hard for it) but what i really don’t like are the petrol price went up AGAIN.. and the toll fare too huhu .. it’ll be FANTASTIC if my savings is that way too ;p

just shift to a new job and still trying to complete all the necessary things .. tho it’s hectic but i really enjoyed myself and i feel happier here..i’m also a TEACHER! ^_^V got this part time job as a COMPUTER TEACHER lol It’s fun but really.. now i know why it’s tiring to be a parent huhu.. it’s really testing and challenging.. i’m teaching 5 to 9 years old kid, they all come with their own tantrums and temper huhu well..i also have my own temper… heheheh.. but kids just being kids it’s ok.. that i can handle.. but i am not that patient with adults acting like kids whenever they don’t get their way! It’s just soooo annoying!

this year will also requires me to travel a lot..I LOVE THAT! =) tho if it’s just travel to and from meru, i like it as it’s my ME time! BECAUSE: my works is going to keep me swamped up to my head this year.. my part time job is challenging me this year.. my family will be the central part of my life all year.. my chums are going to make me busy buying gifts&travelling whole year =)

is lady luck going to smile on me this year? hmmm.. i hope she does for all the 12 months ahead .. AMEN =)

everything’s going to be ok..everything’s going to be fine..everything’s going to be all right..everything’s going to turn out fine..everything’s going to work out somehow..everything’s .. darn, i’m going out of my mind

hey, It’s 08 Nov 2006, exactly 53 days to 2007…huhu.. how time flies by.. i should have been at home now, watching The Covenant which they said is very boring btw.. and i’m here feeling that at least i should write something just to release my pent up frustration of everything..

Everybody likes a strong person…it’s a quality they admire in a person.. but they usually forget that a strong person is the one who needed their attention and support the most at one time..at one point.. it’s because a strong person do not ask or they do not know how to ask..but that does not mean that they don’t need it .. sometimes, it’s just tiring to carry the burden of the world on your shoulder.. you just need to lean for a bit on somebody or something solid to gather your strength and zest of life again.. and then they move on to take everything heads on.. but sometimes..they can incinerate somebody else or something else just because it so happens that the other person or the other thing is standing too close..

hurt…how to rebounce back from hurt?life does go on.. but just how much can you truly say that u are truly recovered from the hurt? and u are willing to take another chance and leap of faith on something that hurt you before? just why, one can make u as a scapegoat and think for you that you are going to be OK in the end of all the episodes and drama? it’s just a war to say, counts your blessings and try your best!

knowing what i want and what to be out of my life…i’m still jaded..huhu..maybe i do know what i want.. objective task i can take it on, however on the subjective that got me concerned.. twice, trampled that easy, how foolish.. but then, maybe i’m just too good for you.. just like the lines in Cher song.. I cant explain this feeling I think about it everyday and even though we’ve moved on it gets so hard to walk away , these lines from Paula Deanda..

Words easily said than done huh? how true..enough of the experience to last me a lifetime btw, just hoping to find my way back..and i truly do hope i will.. adios for now.. pray for my soul, will you?